Saturday, August 27, 2011

"Did You Know You're REALLY Pregnant?"

What people say never ceases to amaze us.  I know that every pregnant woman in the world has said as much, but when you're pregnant, your body becomes a free comment zone.  And today I must be looking particularly pregnant.

First thing this morning I went to a yard sale that advertised baby boy things and the lady running the sale just couldn't get over how far out front I pop out.  I don't think I've heard "wow" so often.

But the best one came later, when we all went to the farmer's market.  We were in line at a booth behind a couple in their 50s or so.  When they turned around after having made their purchase the man's eyes visibly widened.  He then proceeded to say "Wow!  Now that is a green striped watermelon is I ever saw one!" 

Yes, I happen to be wearing a green striped shirt today.  In fact, this is me--today.  I wish I'd had the wherewithal to say something to the effect of "I know, that's why I wore this shirt.  I LOVE watermelon."  More comments were made, to which I tried to graciously smile, nod, and say "I know, but I'm almost done."

Once it was over my husband was outraged.  He commented that people might as well come up and say "Hey, did you know that you're really pregnant?!"  Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I had noticed...

Before We Know It

Life is a whirlwind.  Before we were in a state of chronic unemployment, I wouldn't have believed that to be possible if you didn't have a job.  But it is.

Ryan is studying for the CPA exam most of the day five to six days a week.  When he isn't studying he's applying for jobs.  I often have to go upstairs between 1 and 1:30pm to remind him to come down and get some lunch.  Or sometimes I just deliver it upstairs.

At my 36 week doctor's appointment I was scheduled for a c-section at 39 weeks, which falls on Sept. 9.  This worked out well for two reasons.  One being that 39 weeks is the most favorable time for a c-section medically speaking.  The other being that I'm exactly 39 weeks on a Friday, which is the day my doctor typically schedules her surgeries.  It was perfect.  I also learned at that appointment that I have pubic symphesis dysfunction (PSD), which my husband lamented sounds like an STD.  I have to agree.  Anyway, it basically means that I'm in quite a bit of pain most of the time.  

On my Gluten Free Motherhood blog I had the opportunity to review It's You Babe's Prenatal Cradle Mini Cradle, which helped with the PSD.  When the company learned of my  new diagnosis they also offered to send me their Best Cradle, which has helped the pain much more than I had hoped.  It has been a tremendous blessing.

Ryan has a couple of interviews coming up that we'd appreciate prayer for.  The first is on Sept. 1st, and the other on Sept. 9th.  We couldn't believe it when the only day and time available for the second interview was the 9th.  It takes about 2 hours to get to the location of the interview, which means that given his time-slot, Ryan has to leave town by 9am to be safe.  My c-section was scheduled for 7:30am, which meant that, if all went seamlessly and on time he'd be able to be there to hold my hand through it, maybe get to hold Abel briefly, and then have to run.

At my 37 week appointment yesterday I told the doctor of our dilemma.  Initially she wanted to call the potential employer herself (the potential employer had been told I was having a c-section that day).  She declared that she'd brought men home from Iraq before, and she'd be happy to make a call.  When I wasn't comfortable with that she said "or, we could try to reschedule, but I'm not optimistic.  The birth center is pretty booked."  Thankfully, she was able to change the day to Wednesday the 7th and 12pm.  I wanted to hug her.  Double bonus--two less of days of being pregnant, AND my husband can be there all day.

Before we know it, we'll be a family of five.

Friday, August 19, 2011

More than I can Handle.

Today I'm 36 weeks, and the c-section is scheduled for three weeks from today, on Sept. 9.  In many ways I'm completely ready to have him.  Mostly the physical ones.  I feel like a beached whale, I'm having my usual "pre-labor" contractions every 3-5 minutes a few hours a day, and for the first time my hands and feet are swelling up like balloons.  Not fun, but I know he'll be so very worth it.

On the other hand, the stress has been getting to me badly enough lately that I'm alright with him just hanging in there for awhile longer.  I would love to have a bit more stability to life before Abel makes his grand appearance.  Lately applications have gone in for everything from accounting firms to McDonalds without much response.  There is a glimmer of hope on the horizon--an interview with a firm on Sept. 1.  However, I'm having a hard time maintaining hope.

I know that God will care for us--He always has.  We won't go without a roof over our heads or clothes for our children.  However, I'm no longer sure that I have the faith that there will ever come a time in which we don't wonder from day to day or week to week just how that will happen.  I'm afraid that this will simply be life.

My hormones aren't helping.  I have a couple of very gracious friends who've stuck by me even when I've snapped--and I'm so done with cliche comments and phrases.  I came across this post by Nancy Wilson on Femina yesterday and wanted to shout "amen!"  I've been beyond the end of myself for quite sometime.

So I cry.  A lot.  And sometimes in front of my children, which I've never done before.  I need prayer for peace.  For graciousness with those who are trying to be helpful but say or do things that simply aren't.  And faith--lots of that.  Along with hope.  Because yes, this is all beyond what I can handle.