Sunday, December 19, 2010

Reaching a Limit

We've been through a lot of transitions in the past several months, and through it all, our children have been troopers.  In the past 3-1/2 months we've packed up and moved three times--just this month alone we'll have been in four places.  I distinctly remember the  moment I knew that Mercy was starting to feel insecure in Moscow, before our first move.  She was sitting on the floor coloring when she suddenly looked up at me with a shocked face.  She was sitting in a puddle of her own urine, and had been potty trained for months.

After we'd been at the Kulbe's for a couple of months, her potty training finally came back to where it was before--right down to being able to go errand running in big girl panties.  Then we moved again.  And a week and a half later we moved again.  Yesterday it started to become clear that poor Mercy is really suffering in the midst of our trials right now.

Before we were here it was easy to pass judgement on those whose small children demonstrated insecurities as a result of major life stress and transitions.  After all, don't toddlers find security in their parents?

Yes, they do.  But they are also old enough to note their parents stress and to know what "home" means.  And Mercy doesn't have a home right now.  And Mommy and Daddy are really stressed.  We're doing our best to give our anxieties over to the Lord, but it is a day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute struggle to do so in a such a way as our children don't notice our fears.  And in case you forgot, children notice everything.

Our dear girl, the one about whom people have often noticed the quick smile, mild temperament, good behavior of, is melting down.  Over everything.  This a kind of crying we have never seen out of her.  It breaks my heart like nothing else has.  I don't know what to do for her apart from lifting her up in prayer and continuing to pray for my own behaviors when I'm around her.

And yet, even if we could, should we shield our children from all that is going on right now?  Because when God delivers us, I want them to know what a great thing He has done.  Yes, she's only two, but she understands so much more than we often give her credit for.  Two years old, and learning that we must trust God for everything, because in ourselves we are so very insufficient.


  1. We spent a lot of time this year living out of our suitcases... it is stressful. And if it were not for our faith in god I don't know if we would still be standing. So many days we wondered what God was we are feeling grateful for God leading us to the country we are in now.

    I'll be praying for your family.

    Joy & Blessings! Alida

  2. God is using this in Mercy's life to mold her into His image. It does break a mommy's heart, though.
    Praying for you all in this difficult time.

  3. Amber, you are such a good mom. And I think you're giving Mercy such a gift!!!! I'll be praying for you!


  4. I have been thinking about you...I just read this post and will continue to pray for your health and more. We miss you and Ruthi has already been talking about her friend Mercy to my parents :).

  5. Amber...what a beautiful page you have. Your children are adorable. I just started a new this is all brand new to me. My prayers are with you.

    sincerely, Kimmie*

  6. Glad to find another Christian Mommy! Thanks for sharing the love over at Allegro Mama. God's Blessings to you this day!

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